Relying on a 10% Chance
Stage 5: Believe in yourself
Highest instinct: Victory

“Please erase the comma inside your heart and replace it with an exclamation mark. Life is always speeding away with failures and setbacks appearing repeatedly. Please believe that you are working hard for yourself because having confidence is the most important form of competitiveness.” ~ Seungri

Name: Lee Seung-hyun
Date of Birth: December 12, 1990
Skills: Singing, Dancing, Japanese
Music Drama: “Sonagi” / Movie: “Why Did You Come to my House?”
Solo song: “Strong Baby” activities

You must grasp your dreams even if the chance is as small as gravel

-One-

Relying on a 10% chance

“The last member, Big Seung-hyun (T.O.P.) please step out to the front.”

In the summer of 2006, a year of voice testing ended before the members were chosen to be part of BIGBANG. After President Yang called out Jiyong hyung, Taeyang hyung, Daesung hyung and finally TOP hyung’s names, my name was never called out.

At that moment, I had no other thoughts except being angry at myself until I felt like I lost my mind. I missed this hard to come across chance and felt regrettable and worried. But there was no point to regret it anymore because I couldn’t turn back time and change anything. Until now, I still don’t believe what had happened. I couldn’t accept the fact that I could no longer sing and dance with my hyungs who shared the same dreams as me. I had no concept that I had to start my life fresh so my tears didn’t even drop.

I felt wronged. I was simply following my dream of becoming a singer and came to Seoul alone with no family and no friends. All I did was practice. I knew clearly that my talent was not on par with my hyungs so I would go to the practice room by myself at dawn. I insisted on perseverance through those times but now I felt empty that I wasn’t chosen. Like that phase, “working hard like a fool” I didn’t know what sort of excuses I could use to explain the result that was unsatisfactory. When I thought about it in the past, I didn’t want to be a person that lived up to those words.

“I know that little Seung-hyun has the talent to become a singer and you can dance very well, but aren’t I choosing singers and not dancers? Your singing is still insufficient.” I felt hurt by President Yang’s blunt and accurate evaluation of me. The thing that I liked the most and had the most confidence in was dancing and there was no doubt that I tried my best at it. However it was my fault that I failed, I couldn’t explain it and there was no need to protest either.

When I first heard that evaluation, the words that were hard to believe floated to me. “If you have a will to try out again, you can go to the practice room to practice by yourself after the BIGBANG members finish theirs. However, the chance of being chosen again is less than 10%.”

The will, the possibility, 10%…even though I knew it meant there was “no point in trying”, but I still felt a ray of light shining through. Knowing simply that the reality didn’t end there made me thankful and excited. Even if the chance of being successful was slim but my heart was racing with excitement at the thought of challenging myself like before.

People cry when they are happy because it’s a big feeling. The tears I cry now are for the laughter of next time. I was determined to seize the opportunity and increase “my less than 10% chance”.

I happened to see the legs of Ji-Sung Park (a famous Korean footballer) in the newspaper and immediately I recognized that there were so many bruises and scars on his legs. Wounds and marks of sprinkles were everywhere too. At that time, I was really sorry reading that. However, his situation resembled to mine.When I was preparing to challenge the 2nd round of the Big Bang members selection process, these legs always popped up in my mind. Then I would encourage myself that ‘ the tortures that I am suffering now will become the new blood of my legs.’ I am always strengthened by such a saying and I am luckier than Ji-Sung Park senior since my legs are in good condition.
Although I did really want to work hard one more time in order to see whether I could rewrite my destiny, I encountered many difficulties at that time. I could no longer live in the dormitory that I once shared with the hyuns and I was not old enough to register a room in the hostels nearby, not to mention that the fees were expensive too. I did not want to ask for money from my parents neither. Finally, I only had 1 resort-asked the manager hyun to let me sleep in his apartment.
‘I will not trouble you, I promise. What I need is only a place where I can sleep at night so please let me sleep there…’
It is lucky that the manager hyun said yes to me without any hesitation but then, another difficulty came in my way- I could no longer receive the training sessions that I used to have neither.
Then I could only rely on myself. I decided not to spend any time on worrying since I did not have much time left actually but I had so many things to do, including improving myself at a drastic pace within the time limit. If I spent the precious time on worrying, it was not different from wasting the time. I had to grab every second to do what I had to do.
I started my practice without really knowing what I should do, I chose to practise ‘Haru Haru’ by Taxiana (transliteration first).
Then I wanted to switch the song. I was so busy that I did not even have time to think about negative things. If I had remaining time, I would choose to spend it on trying new ways to deliver the song.
In fact, I had listened to the song for hundreds of times. No matter where I was, I sang regardlessly. Be it the practice room (after the hyuns finished their practice, I went there at midnight), the streets that many people walked by, or the house of the manager hyun… I sang and sang. There were some people who tried to stop me from singing in the public, ‘keep quiet’. Some people even pointed their fingers at me and criticized what I was doing at that moment. Although I did experience something like this, I did not lose heart. On the contrary, I wanted to succeed so much in order to prove them the things that i insisted were right.
’I am like a lunatics at this moment but one day, praises will go to this lunatics who insists doing what he knows is right.’ I always cheered myself up by this sentence.
My mind lingers on how I can improve my singing so I jotted down my thoughts on the score whenever I came up with something new. Finally, almost the whole sheet of scores was covered with my notes and I could not find any blank space to scribble anything on anymore.
The 1-week time granted by the president passed very swift when I was busy doing all of these.

“Fear is NOTHING
I really like this jargon of the advertisement, ’ impossible is nothing’,I can feel how determined and enthusiastic that people are when they are saying this phrase. However, I have come up a new jargon for myself, ‘fear is NOTHING.’ I cannot be more stupid if I give up what I want to do when difficulties arise. I am sympathetic to those who say, ’ I cannot do it’ , ’ I am afraid that I will fail.’ since they give up before they really try to attempt the tasks.
Nevertheless, I am fear of the new situations that I have to face too. ‘What is waiting ahead on this path?’ I am scared of the uncertainties too but whenever I feel like this, I will remind myself with the following words, ’ I will not know what are actually waiting for me if I don’t give it a try’. Then, I will regain my courage and head for my goals.
When I was in grade 7, I went to attend a ceremony of another school. There were a group of people who were wearing the same set of clothes and performing on the stage. When they were dancing, none of us could refrain ourselves from staring at them. I was one of them. I even forgot breathing when they were on the stage.
‘THAT is the thing that I want to do!’ I knew very clearly right at that moment. I had never felt like this before throughout my whole life. My heart was beating so fast that I thought my chest was going to burst. To me, it is really what we call ’ the dream which causes my heart thumping so fast’.
On the next day, I went to YMCA to pay a visit to the seniors whom danced so amazingly on the previous day without much thinking.
‘Do you know how to dance?’
‘No, I don’t know but I will try very very hard starting from today. I also have the confidence to do it well.’
After saying this, I tried to move my body according to the melody that I heard. I had not prepared any dance steps in advance. I just danced randomly. I must have looked very silly at that time. However, I could not care less about this since what I wanted is to dance with them.
Since I have the ‘talent’. although I did not know what actually I was dancing, I did do it perfectly with the music. The seniors were so surprised by my courage too and they finally accepted me to be part of them

“The day finally came for the decisive battle. It was a decisive battle for the member who wasn’t chosen to see President Yang. I went to his office wearing the clothes I asked my hyung-deul to choose for me.

But what was going on? My mind became blank and no words came out of my mouth when I exchanged glances with the President. My body was so stiff that it seemed like all my functions in my body stopped working.

“Lee Seung-hyun, show me your energy. Do you want your hard work to vanish into thin air?”

I reluctantly gathered my energy and walked to face President Yang. Before I started to sing, I dug out my mystery card. In «BIGBANG Debut Documentary», there is a part where it shows me talking to President Yang about my “5 reasons that I have to be chosen” story. We sometimes talk about what happened back then. The hyung-deul even thought I was “trying to be funny” but yes, I agree. I get goosebumps now that I think back to it but the dream of “I needed to be chosen” was there so I didn’t feel ashamed of myself.

My confidence was created due to my sincerity because perhaps this chance will never appear in my lifetime again. It was then that I had an urgent feeling that I could not miss this opportunity. When our eyes met, my heart started racing fast and I reluctantly stood before President Yang and stuttered when I opened my mouth. To prevent my voice from trembling, I gathered my strength in my throat and to prevent my eyes from darting back and forth, I opened them as wide as I could. I spoke each word clearly to show my true feelings.

“The first reason why I should be chosen is aren’t I the most suitable person to be the maknae of the group? The second reason is dancing. Since I have a lot of experience with performances and choreography, I can use that to help the group in those aspects. The third is image. The hyung-deul use their strong and handsome faces to keep the fans and I am certain I can use my cute, naive and clever appearance to keep fans. The fourth reason is confidence. No matter where I am, I can exude confidence in my appearance and my talking skills.”

By the time I reached my fifth reason, from my blank mind to my well prepared speech, I used my strong tone of voice and exclaimed “I have no fifth reason. I won’t make you regret anything if you give me a chance. I will definitely use the potential and confidence that I haven’t shown yet to surprise everyone.”

It happened exactly like that. Were there any more suitable reasons?
Even if I were to speak of hundreds of reasons, if President Yang didn’t think I was a necessity to the group, he would still consider me worthless. Perhaps thinking of the reasons for “Little Seung-hyun to be part of the group” were hopeless but I still wanted to try. To grab that last chance, I didn’t care if I had to do embarrassing things because I had the passion of becoming a singer and I dreamed of being chosen. I only had one thought at that time, “I had to be chosen”.

After I listed my reasons, it was time for me to sing. I had no space to observe what other people’s expressions were but I sang to the best of my ability because I knew this was my last chance to impress. I had to show people what I had learned in 3yrs and sing it in 3 mins. My new clothes were drenched in sweat. I did my best and didn’t regret it.

A week later, by a miraculous chance, I became part of BIGBANG. The joy of being qualified couldn’t be compared to my feeling of a sense of achievement. My hard work didn’t go to waste. I grasped on to the hope that was as thin as silk.

There are many challenges in life. If you don’t challenge yourself, you will never taste defeat and will never be near to the road of success. What would happen if I had returned home after I was not chosen for my voice testing? I am too lazy to think of that, though of course it is something that will never happen.

-Five-
“Hyung-deul, let me try and choreograph a dance routine”(Note: Hyung-deul is plural for more than 1 hyung)
My new life started when I became a member of a dance team. Back then when school was over, I used to hang out with my friends and my days and nights disappeared without a trace. After joining the team, I practiced our dance routines after class for 4.5hrs in the scary practice room. I was at the level where I could learn my hyung-deul dances in a few days. I enjoyed it and practicing like this was not bad.
During class, I memorized the moves in my head. At break time and at lunch, I practiced vigorously behind the classroom. As a result, teachers always yelled at me but honestly, a student who neglected his studies because of his dance addiction was absurd.
I had utter confidence in myself even if other people noted that my dreams were unreal. I didn’t dance because I didn’t like to learn in school, but because if it was something that I really wanted to do, I would work hard at it after I had chosen it. Doing something isn’t the most important but it’s how you do it that matters, isn’t that so? Even though it’s not literally learning, but working hard at it is something to be proud of. These days didn’t last long because after 3 months, the group was deciding to be disbanded.
“Definitely not! I didn’t even have the chance to perform on stage yet…will we really end it like this?”
I couldn’t bring myself to give up everything I worked so hard for. After the group disbanded, the members went to find other dance teams to join. We had 4 members in our group but the unlucky thing was, no one knew how to choreograph. Since I didn’t have a lot of experience, I only did what I was able to do. The hyung-deul choreographed some dances during this time but the moves were unoriginal.
My hyung-deul displayed a sense of giving up. Our passion of trying out certain moves disappeared in a flash and we rested a lot during this time because we were depressed. In the end, I stepped up to the plate and created an idea where I would arrange new members and take on the role of the leader of the team.
“Hyung-deul, please believe me. Let me try and choreograph a dance routine.”
“You? Choreograph? Hahaha….you just finished learning the basic moves..forget it. We can still ask around other dance teams, maybe they will have a choreographer.”
“How can we find a new person? Let me try, give me a few days.”
After a difficult process to persuade my hyung-deul to let me choreograph a dance routine, they finally relented. Even though I didn’t know how to begin, but there was no time to worry. If I couldn’t prepare a routine in a few days, I would lose all the trust that my hyung-deul had for me. I looked at all sorts of MVs and thought of the dance groups that my hyung-deul didn’t think of. There was not even time to sigh and be amazed at these groups’ talents. I was under the pressure that I had to concentrate on creating a routine.
My hyung-deul all praised my choreography and said it was “good”, “well done” and that ignited our morale. We heard there was a dance performance at ‘훙로동’ ceremony. We decided to enter it because we could accumulate more experience and we could establish how big the response for this routine would be. I called our dance team, ‘Il Hwa’. It carried the meaning of “leaving a legend behind”.
On the day of the ceremony, a lot of teams were present. Some were amateurs, others had strong reputations for bringing their teams to perform at clubs. We didn’t even dream of winning any prizes; we simply didn’t want to embarrass ourselves so we calmed our faltering hearts and went on stage. The audiences’ gazes all froze during that moment, but we still had to continue the performance.
However, something we hadn’t anticipated happened. When all the performances were over and it was time for the prizes to be given out, ‘Il Hwa’ won first place. My legs turned weak. From joining the dance team to having it almost disbanded to reuniting again…all these times seemed to flash by in my mind. My challenge wasn’t an imagination or a dream not was it actions by an immature child. This was real, and my tears blurred my line of vision.
From that day onwards, ‘Il Hwa’ went from a dance team that no one knew to one that kept moving forward. Everyone knew me as Lee Seung-hyun, the person who had a dream to dance. Even though there was another leader on the team, but my hyung-deul took me as someone they always relied on. My strong appearance was the breakthrough whenever we went through any difficult times.
Hereafter, when I go on TV shows I think…there are no correlation between ages and numbers. If there’s talent, it doesn’t matter how old you are because you can still prove your worth and it’ll influence others to do the same. On the other hand, there are things you can’t do when you’re young. The perfect path to life would be hard to complete if you believe that age is a barrier.
If I fell down because of fear and didn’t start, what would happen when I encountered a crisis and gave up? I don’t know what kind of life I will have but one thing is certain. I will definitely not feel the thrill of harvesting my first triumpth.

When I was watching television one day at home, suddenly I saw a stunning scene on my screen.
’ Am I seeing things?’ I could not believe what I was seeing but when I watched it with much attention again, the screen was still showing the same scene - a chicken was flying freely among the trees.
‘Chicken? What? A chicken can fly?’ I knew that I was not very hardworking in studying but I still knew that chickens cannot fly at all. When people are eating chicken, don’t they love chicken legs and wings most? However, at that moment, what I was seeing was a chicken was FLYING with its own WINGS.
According to the MC, The chicken learnt how to fly because her ‘family members’ had been killed by other animals when she was small, she had to protect herself by learning how to live high up the trees. When she had just started learning how to fly, she failed repeatedly but in order to protect the safety of herself and her children, she had to do it. She had to grab that 0.1 % chance and overcome the difficulty.
Finally, the chicken succeeded.
After struggling for 3 months, she learnt the skill successfully. She flew among the trees like she was born with the skill. She is now a grandma and her children, grandchildren are all following her footsteps to be the FLYING chickens. Maybe it is because the juniors have been seeing the senior flying ever since they were small. They think that they are able to do so too.
Although I cannot remember what the MCs said about the story, I could still remember very clearly the inspiration that this chicken brought me- I have to learn from it to grab the chance which is less than 0.01 % and do the things that even I myself don’t believe that I can attempt successfully.
I was a very ordinary chicken not long ago. I have wings but I did not know how to fly but now I am using them to fly to the sky and trying to challenge the ‘impossibility’. I know how to fly now.
Therefore, Seungri is ‘a chicken which can fly’.

[SO2tW: Seungri] ~Seven~ There is only a small difference between feeling inferior and feeling confident.

Chapter 2: “Victory, that is the highest brand”

-Seven-
There is only a small difference between feeling inferior and feeling confident.
A lot of people say I’m full of confidence and that I will always try my best at the things I do. In reality, besides ‘inherent confidence’, there are other reasons that no one knows of. During my path and dream of becoming a singer, I was tormented by extreme inferiority. The chance might roll away if my talent wasn’t on par. I felt uneasy all the time. When I wanted to give up half way, I reminded myself to be strong. Besides telling myself to stay strong, there was nothing more I could do.

“You can do it Lee Seung-hyun. Don’t forget that you’re the best!”
“Confidence is the only thing I can choose from my competition. Confidence is a strength I need when there are no improvements in my talents of singing or dancing. In order to not give up my dream and to keep moving forward, I will keep relying on my confidence.”

There were times where we didn’t work hard and over-confidence came. When ‘Il Hwa’ was famous, our days passed by in a trance. When we went out, fans recognized us on the streets and we received official invitations to perform in all sorts of events. Our fan cafe members went up to 3000 people.

After securing a contract with a certain brand, I had a fixed income. Every month, we would receive one million and two hundred thousand won and I would go out with my dance members to eat and play. To a child that was just entering high school, this amount was huge. I felt pressured wondering if I could spend each day like this. Can I live like this with no worries for the rest of my life? It is impossible to be lucky every day. At that time, I only wanted to perform on TV and gain more popularity and confidence.

However, that was only an illusion. It didn’t take long before I realized that I was too arrogant.

On one random day in junior high (Grade 9), I received a phone call from an area code of ‘02’. A manager who had heard rumors about me found me earlier and suggested that I go to an entertainment planning company to participate in voice testing. Even though I knew no one in Seoul, but since this was a chance of a lifetime so I immediately answered the phone.

“Is this Seung-hyun?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“I called because I saw your performance last time. MNet is currently planning a program called «Battle Shinhwa» and the prize is one hundred million won. Do you want to join?”
“Oh? Ahh, I will go.”

Even though I wasn’t being chosen for voice testing, but the reality of having another bigger chance at something else made me very happy. I jumped with joy and my cheers were so loud that it spread to other rooms. I started calling people I knew, “I, Lee Seung-hyun will appear on TV! I am going to conquer the world and fly higher than the sky!” After I had notified everyone I knew, I was left with little energy and I didn’t notice my parents’ subtle cheers for me when they heard the news. Parents are always like that - even though they were worried about their son who was obsessed with dancing, but they always supported me.

“Son! Do what you want to do! We will always support you, but remember: once you start something, do it steadily and don’t give up halfway!”

What kind of parents could believe their young 18yr old son’s dreams so much? My parents’ “unconditional trust” is my biggest catalyst of how I work.

Every time I confirm their trust and anticipation, the duty of “I’m going to do it” pops up in my mind. I use that to encourage myself so I can repay their unconditional trust.

I brought with me the support from my parents and the feeling of “I must work hard” to the TV program. It seemed that I could become a celebrity just like that. Unfortunately, reality wasn’t so.

I went to film that programme very enthusiatically at the beginning but I started to get wearied after several months of commuting between Gwangju and Seoul. Not only did I feel physically tired but I had also lost my confidence.
Yes, I was very famous in Gwangju for I was good at dancing but when I went to the captial, I realzed that I was nobody but a boy from the countryside. It seemed that I could not even handle my dancing steps well, not to mention my singing. I had only been thining about how to dance well all over the time but I had never been trained how to sing well.
I wanted to go to attend some vocal training classes but it was not possible since I had already spent so much time travelling between Gwangju and Seoul. I could only spare my free time on watching the videos of my favourite seniors, Rain, Saiben Daeng (transliteration). I tried hard to observe their dancing steps, singing techniques and costumes,etc. I jotted the details down, too. As the old saying goes, ’ imiatation is the mother of creation’. Although I did not know how to create my own style at that moment, I believed by imitating them I could find my own path one day.
However, I did not undergo much improvement with these practices. The cold comments given by the judges did hurt me. Yes, I started to doubt my intention of going there to film such a programme, I just liked dancing a lot, I had not thought of singing before but I decided to go there just because I wanted to appear in a TV programme. I was really disgusted by myself at that moment. I could not cheer myself up with my ‘do whatever I want’motto either. Therefore, I did not persist on winning in this programme and I was elimiated after several months. Since I had already expected that in advance, I was okay with the result but it was the clips which the programme showed to the publich hurt me.
One episode of the programme was asking us to be a model at a fashion show for the disabled people. The whole process of preparation was filmmed for the judges to have their final evaluation. The cameraman happened to film the moments that I was sleeping. It was not the whole picture. I was just taking a little nap in the middle of my journey to Seoul and I woke up very quickly to continue my work. However, it was the scene of my sleeping which was broadcasted… I felt it was very unfair so I said to the judges, ‘I was only doing that for making people laugh. Actually, I strive very hard for my goal.’ But it all came out like I was finding excuses for my laziness. Although I knew that I was not as competent as other contestants, it was very unfair to me since the judges used it as the major reason to elimate me.
I did feel really bad about this but the worst was yet to come. When I was back to my hometown, my friends started to tease me. Many of them said to me, ‘ Aw, here comes the kid whom cannot sing…’ It was really torturing that I cannot forget it up til now. I had been treating them as my friends but what they did to me were teasing and bullying. I felt really sad about all of these.
‘Seunghyun ar, you are not the singing materials anyway, how about thinking of other paths to walk on?’ I was madly crazy with what they said to me. They did not believe in me but I believed in myself since I had been working so hard to achieve what I had, I knew I could do it. On my way home, I could not hold bak my tears, I even weeped like a child.. ‘wu..wu.’ That day was the day that I shedded the most tears but at the same time, I promised myself, ’ I have to show them how successful I am one day. I am not the kind of useless person that they descibe me!’
If I was a celebrity, I would not have this empty feeling anymore. I had decided,
‘even if I could not be a celebrity, I have to be a singer.’

-Nine-

“Seungri ah, I like you a lot.”After passing the training for the TV program and the academy, I realized the harsh reality that I was just a nobody but this seemed to be a little misunderstanding too. Upon entering YGE, I realized I had only come in contact with a small amount of people in the world and I crumbled for a short time.

During my time as a trainee, my voice testing was recorded down and President Yang came to see me after he watched my tape.

“I’ve watched the recording. You seem to have a talent…perhaps you know Jiyong and Youngbae?”
“Ah? Ah…I know.”
“Jiyong and Youngbae have trained in our company for 6yrs and will debut next year in a group. Their talents are surprisingly outstanding. To me, your singing skills are 50 points and your dancing skills are 50 points as well but it seems that you can improve them. When you start training tomorrow, allow both to be 100 points.”

Actually, I didn’t really know who the hyungs were but I answered like that when President Yang asked me. Of course, I also didn’t realize how talented and incredible they were. I only realized what “unbelievable talent” was when my trainee life started.

Our differences in talent were a huge gap. Singing, dancing, personal style…nothing could be compared. It wasn’t only Jiyong hyung and Youngbae hyung who trained for so long, but the hyungs who entered YGE around the same time were just as good. Daesung hyung has a bright and positive attitude that was appealing. TOP hyung’s rapping skills and his middle-low voice to his smooth feeling control were outstanding. There were other areas where they were better but I didn’t have one thing to boast about. My evaluation was that I was the maknae! My self esteem was shot.

Furthermore, YG was a company known for its hip-hop but I didn’t know much about it. When the sunbaes talked about music, I couldn’t actively participate so I found hip hop music to listen instead. I listened to a lot of hip hop music that the YG sunbaes produced but compared to them who spent a lot of time in this culture, I was still in the imitation standard.

When people are prejudiced, it is hard to change their thoughts. Those who have watched the episode of «Battle Shinhwa», I was cut because my singing wasn’t impressive enough. It left a deep impression on people and they didn’t greet me with friendly eyes. There was a time when I had dinner with SE7EN hyung and he asked me,

“Why did you come to YG?”
“I wanted to come so that’s why I’m here.”
“Really?”

I was sad when I saw that SE7EN hyung didn’t believe me. Even though we have solved this misunderstanding now but I felt like I was a child that didn’t know any better at that time. I didn’t perform my best but I felt regrettable that these people couldn’t see my strengths. “Can I still do my best when people have such sharp bias towards me? Will people’s impression of me change?” It was becoming frustrating for me. “What can I do to make people realize that I wasn’t at fault?” I wasn’t able to fall asleep each night because I was so depressed.

At this whirlwind time, the recording of «BIGBANG Debut Documentary» began. When it was the actual recording, it was an intense war zone every day.

Furthermore, President Yang’s report of us was taped on top of our practice room door every week. It was humiliating to not do well and my score was always the lowest. One time I only got 7 out of 100 points. My impression was already not good and now my score was even worse. I couldn’t even ask for forgiveness because even I hated myself.

However, I stopped being depressed after awhile. 80-90% of people look defeated when they don’t know what to do when faced with difficulties. I was determined. I had to like myself first. If I can’t even accept the love from myself, then how can I accept other people’s love? I had to treasure myself and confirm my abilities before I could get other people’s approval. When my talent didn’t increase or when I committed a mistake, I said this to myself,

“Seung-hyun ah, it’s okay. Do it again.”

My skin was so thick that I could put a steel board on it. I even exclaimed this to my hyungs,

“Hyung! I’m the maknae. I’m still young so I still haven’t produced my full strength. Please wait a bit. I will make you shocked!”

Until now, I still like to mumble to myself and say things like “Seungri ah, I like you a lot!” Even though it may look silly to some people but to me, it is a realistic spell. It is my last weapon when I want to feel confident and break away from feeling inferior.

People who have talent and are successful automatically have confidence. To create my own confidence, I trained in the practice room before dawn and practiced singing whenever I had free time. It had come to my understanding that no matter how much confidence I had and exclaimed it, it was meaningless if I had no one’s approval.

No matter how determined I was, there were times where I was still faced with difficulties such as whenever Jiyong hyung lets other people listen to his new songs or when Youngbae hyung shows off his handsome self while dancing. I questioned myself whenever I felt down.

“Why can’t I ever do my best?”

Correct, I’m asking the reason why other people can do things that I can’t. Having no sufficient ability is an excuse and that can be filled in with hard work. If hard work doesn’t do the trick, then work hard again. Some people run on the ground while others fly in the sky. I want to know why this person can’t fly. A person with innate talent keeps running forward and when he puts his hard work to test, wings will spread out. The finish line will be up ahead like so.

I don’t have any outstanding abilities. I struggle with showing my confidence and tearing off the inferior mask. As a singer, I still have a lot of room for improvement when I go to events. Even so, I will not give up. I will keep working hard. I like myself a lot!

Even though listening to criticisms and complaints aren’t things to be happy about, but I gladly accept them. A more accurate way to describe my feelings should be that I welcome them with open arms. I learn a bit more about myself and my weaknesses when I am criticized.

When I first debuted, I couldn’t control my facial expressions and was insulted. It was when I went on a talk show with my hyungs. When the MC asked “The member you see the most”, everyone chose me. I was especially confused. Actually it wasn’t me, but to see my hyungs talking and laughing made me resent them. I couldn’t laugh because I was so angry and annoyed. I had to quickly break away from my bad mood but I couldn’t do it so my face was expressionless and I didn’t say anything until the show was over.

After the show was broadcasted, things started to spread out. Netizens started to write comments like “teach Seungri well” and these protests went on continuously. Finally, President Yang had to come talk to me.

“Seungri ah, how can you change how others view of you when you can’t even control your feelings? Aren’t singers supposed to touch other people with their voices? You can’t be a singer if you continue to be like this.”

My heart quickly dropped. I used to say things like “I’m also human so there are times when I’m not in a good mood. Why can’t I be like that?” to comfort myself and to justify my actions. Of course “Human Lee Seung-hyun” can do that. I can get angry if I’m not in a good mood and I may even curse, but when I go on shows, I am a singer. That is my identity. The reality was I couldn’t even explain why I couldn’t control my expressions on TV. I was disappointed that I wanted to die right there on the spot. Thank you to President Yang. Even though I get sad and hurt when I hear criticisms, but if I wasn’t scolded properly I wouldn’t understand where I did wrong.

From that day onwards, I accepted criticisms unconditionally. I took this advice close to heart and worked very hard so that I wouldn’t commit the same mistake twice. When it appears once, it’s a “mistake” but when it appears repeatedly, it becomes “failure”.

My principle that I insist on after I debuted is this: “I will not let the same mistakes appear twice”.

I sometimes think that “I’m a monster”. When I get hurt, I become stronger. I won’t back away when I receive criticisms and complaints. I feel that I’m a “self-abusing abnormal person” because I will try my best when I get provoked. Most celebrities avoid reading antis comments about their dancing and singing or even personal attacks because the words will be embedded into their brains. Being determined and answering a simple “I understand and I won’t let others’ bad comments enter my brain” will help.

I think that besides criticisms there is also praise. Facts have proven that criticisms become praise if you are criticized and you change and grow from it. Everyone wants to progress so I enjoy being criticized. The day that criticism turns to praise, I will thank myself who is willing and happy to accept criticisms, my character that have encouraged myself to progress, and my quality of working hard when being given a second chance.

My father is a typical person who made fortunes out of nothing. He is the youngest from 2 males and 3 females. He basically grew up without any parental care so he trained himself to be independent from a very young age. When he was 20yrs old, he made up his mind to “rely on himself to live” and left his hometown to settle in GwangJu.

Golf was still a sport that wasn’t popular with everyone back then but by a random chance, my father started playing it. He became a golf player after training for merely 2 yrs. He met my mother at the golf course. She was helping her relatives take care of the golf business by working behind the cashier. I came to this earth a year after they married.

When I was young, my family was considered wealthy. My father’s monthly salary was 2.3 times the normal working class. My mother was still working. I grew up in an environment where I didn’t know what I lacked. I could learn whatever I could and buy whatever I wanted. Our household was filled with laughter and the relationship between my parents were the best.

When I reached Grade 6 however, my life turned upside down. The stem of the problem was that my father was coaxed into buying some golf equipment. He believed his friend of 6 yrs and started working with him but that friend took the funds that my parents had saved all their lives and fled. Their hard earned money vanished into thin air.

We sold our house in order to pay the debts. The creditors kept calling our phones and a situation happened where our relatives didn’t even bother to help us. I realized that when it came to money, even if people share the most closest relationship and bond with one another, they might treat you differently too. My sister and I got looks from people and we would definitely hear the loud cries from the living room as we entered our rooms.

The day we moved homes, I cried when the unpleasant smell of our home filled the air. Since I was too young to understand, the tears that dropped from my eyes were like daggers in my parents’ hearts. From that day onwards, my father drank every day. There wasn’t a time where I didn’t see my father not be drunk. When I woke up in the morning, the living room was filled with cigarette stubs and beer bottles were scattered everywhere. Every time I saw the figure of my mother cleaning up the living room and saying nothing, the resentment towards my father was crazy. To me, the father who I looked up to the most in the world had disappeared without a trace.

However, even living under such bad environments, my parents never changed their support for me. I still wore the best clothes, used the best learning materials, ate the best packed lunch. “Son, do whatever you like to do. We will give you whatever you need. Our biggest wish is that you’re never unhappy.”

Even if they collapsed, they still wanted to nurture and give the best to their son. When I saw my parents smiling even though their eyes were red and swelling from crying before, I was determined to not allow my parents to have tears in their eyes anymore. This is my responsibility to my parents. Even though I can’t do much now but I will give them happiness thereafter.

< Parents, I have to bring you happiness>
If I am asked whom I respect most in this world, I will answer they are my parents without any hesitation. They do not only teach me how to persist in the middle of difficulties but they also let me know how important working hard is for a person to achieve his dreams. They tell me I should not lose my smiles even in face of huge obstacle.
My father who was once so desperate about his losing almost everything because of the trap set by his friend also restarted his life as a professional golf player again. He chose to face the reality finally though we were still heavily indebted. Therefore my mother also started working in a tuck shop of a football court. I was afraid that I would be teased by my friends so I decided not to hang around the place where my mother was working at. I was sorry about being like this but at that young age, I still cared about the opinions of my friends so much.
‘Mum, how many bottles of drinks have you sold today?’
‘I have not sold many in fact.’
‘You have to sell more. If you sell 5 cans today, then you can proceed to 6 tomorrow and 7 the day after tomorrow.Then we are proceeding every day.’
Whenever my mum came back to home after work, I would also tell jokes to amuse her. I hoped that could ease her pains. However, even with the re-scheduling of our life, my parents had not been the same anymore. I could even hear their silent sighs at night. ‘How can I ease their pains and bring back smiles to their faces?’ I had been always thinking of this since I wanted to find their long lost smiles and put them back on their faces.
People say we should have great dreams so we should dream of being a scientist or the president of a country; however, I have a different dream. I want to bring happiness to my parents. I think it is the reasons behind your dreams which count most, it does not matter very much what your dreams are. The most important thing is I have a burning desire to achieve this dream. With this burning desire, I am determined to be successful and I also have been working very hard on my dreams. The words ‘give up’ do not ever exist in my dictionary. I do not only work hard for myself but also my parents. When the heavy responsibility is laid on my shoulders, I have not backed down but to embrace it. When we were well received by the public at the beginning stage of our career, what made me feel blissful was that I could finally bring happiness to my parents.
My father even learnt to use the internet and read every piece of news about me. When he saw me, he would talk about them with me and he said, ‘we are so encouraged when we see how successful you are now so we have decided to work hard in order to surpass you one day.’ This is the biggest compliment that I have ever heard of.
No matter how much I have bore before, I felt so relieved and happy at that moment and it seemed that all of the wounds that people engraved on me before were not important anymore.
I embrace my dreams and I believe in the amazing power of having dreams. I have to look for other dreams since they are the very reason of my keeping on striving hard in my life and they record every phrase of my life journey just like the beautiful milestones

Seungri was taken to the hospital in the middle of the concert which they held in 2007. In fact, before the concert, his foot was already sprinkled but he still insisted to participate in the concert. During the concert, he fainted because of the fireworks which jumped to his face accidentally, coupled with the foot pain. When he was taken to the waiting room, he cried, ’ it is our own concert, how can I be as weak as this? What should I do now?’ He did not cry for his pain but the troubles that he had brought to his members and his absence from the rest of the concert. I really think that it was a painful facial expression. When the president visited him at the hospital afterwards, he said he would certainly join the concert held on the next day. It was very obvious that he was wearing a worrying and painful look at that very moment.

In the early morning of the next day, Seungri phoned me. I thought he was going to ask me how he could relieve his foot pain but what he asked when he first picked up the phone was, ‘Ssabu, can I have some fried rice?’ etc. It seemed that he had already forgotten he was hurt. ‘Is your foot okay now?’ I asked him. ‘Ah… my foot? Yes, it seemed to be okay now.’ He did not feel painful anymore and immediately he thought of food.

This is the world of Seungri, and his world is so beautiful for he is such a hardworking person.

Forgetting the things which depress himself or hurt their self-confidence most at a lightning seed, this is our Seungri. He is good at encouraging himself with a ‘fighting’ shouting to himself. It was hard for him to get used to the life as a trainee in this team at the very beginning but he has overcome these with his optimism and self-confidence!





We have said to Seungri, ‘what you have done at your 20 are very scary.’ He wanted to do so many things in the past and now he wants to do more. When chances come, he wants to do this and that. And of course, he tries his very best to seize every opportunity that comes to him.

If we say that Taeyang transforms the negative comments into his nutrients for growing, then, we can regard Seungri as that kind of person which motivate themselves by praises. He can even distinguish which compliments are good for him and which are not, for example, he will say, ’ these comments are left by a small group of people only, they just have not understood me thoroughly.’

Seungri loves to hear praises from others but he also compliment others a lot. Even when he is so tired, he will still encourage and praise the people around him. He is especially thankful to the staff who are very hard working.

How to gain the ‘victory’? Be positive towards all the people and things around you. No matter what, just say, ‘let me do it, I want to do it!’ Just like how Seungri always does. When he knows that there is something that he is not able to complete, he will be very sad and his world seems to have collapsed at that very moment.

He is very positive towards everything. If he has to film a TV progamme which he has not watched before, he will try his best to understand the running of the programme beforehand. He will prepare everything in advance and always stuns us by his extraordinary performance.At the same time, the people around him will also be influenced by him and be as hardworking as him.

Seungri devotes all of his efforts to his works and he works very hard to strive for his goals. He does not care whether his energy will be drained, he will be successful or not or whether he will suffer because of being too hardworking, he just wants to give his best under all circumstances.